Feeling Christmas

I was looking through an old journal this morning and decided to share this entry form 6 years ago as I still find myself relating to it and think maybe some of y'all might too.

12-17-15 

Oh, Christmas. What are you supposed to feel like? I know it’s not about sentiment. What is it that gets so disappointing? I’m misplacing my hope. My weariness takes over. I’m moving too fast. Attempting to do so much. Wasting my quiet in the wrong places. Why is there such a struggle to feel Christmas? Experience it. I know some of my longing is good. My desperate need for a Savior. Here. Now. real. Emmanuel. God with us. But my struggle is also tinged with the doubt that the Christ baby isn’t enough. 

I get so angry at the popular “all I need is Jesus and a little bit of coffee…” But here I am fighting that all I need is a Christ baby and a Christmas tree and cold weather and cookies and good cheer… I’ll stop there but my list of “ands” is much longer I sorely confess. So much longer.

There is no and. I need Jesus. Period. Christmas is about Jesus. Without thought of the weather or festivities He came. And every day he comes to me - in al my heart’s poor weather and lack of cheer. I leave out no cookies for him, no notes of adoration or thanksgiving. And still, He stands at the door and knocks. Jesus is enough. All I need and more than I can ask or imagine.

Oh, Precious Savior - change my heart. Fill me with everlasting Joy. May I feel Christmas. Not the Christmas of trees, snow, and bows. But feel you. The joy of Your salvation & the hope that your promises are true. That as sure as you came that first night and as sure as you died and rose again, that you will come back and make all things new.